A running commentary on things that I don't like.

Also, you know, about why I'm a lot cooler than you.

Seriously. Much cooler. And smarter.

Which is why you should read my site.

That way when I tell you that Napoleon Dynamite was stupid crap, you won't make a fool of yourself by continuing to tell people to watch it.

God, it Sucks
the place to go for all things that suck


.:[Tuesday, February 01, 2005]:.

Now, truthfully, would you bang this chick? I know, it depends on how much booze and speed she gave you. But even if she gave you a bunch, and you were so drunk you couldn't see straight and so hopped up on crank that you'd screw the family cat and your little sister's goldfish, you would think that Silvia Johnson would rank right behind Itchy Irene, that dirty hooker who offered to let you pee on her behind the Diamond Shamrock, and right above Bob, your school bus driver, on the list of people you'd want to hump.

You would think that, of course, only if you've never been a teenage male. Teenage males will fuck anybody, animal, vegetable, or mineral. Teenage males think about fucking roughly as often as my dog thinks about eating out of the litter box, and let me tell you, when she's not sleeping she's at the bathroom door looking at that litter box. Teenage males would prefer to bang this chick, of course, they're not crazy. But in a pinch, they'll settle for... well, for anything.

Apparently, Ms. Johnson wanted to be a "cool mom." Now, I'm no expert... my experience with parenting begins and eds with watching after school specials while yelling at my ex-girlfriend's kids to stop stealing my weed. But I sincerely doubt that getting hopped up on crank and fellating your son's friends is considered kosher by the American Psychological Association. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but when I was a kid I considered a "cool mom" to be the one that brought me Kool-Aid while I played Nintendo. Don't get me wrong... if one of my friends' mothers offered me fellatio, I'd probably take them up on it, but only so I could tell my friend to call me "Dad."

Anyway, I'm surprised that this case ever came to the cops' attention. After all, Silvia Johnson isn't the type of woman that a teenager would brag about bagging. Of course, if I were her son, I'd rat her out just to stop the "dude, I banged your mom, go get me some Cheetos" type comments.

| a BEN production by me at 6:53 PM